My Final Essay for Personal Fitness

Mr. Mack: Um, Tyler have you done any of the assignements this year?

Me: No. No I have not

Mr. Mack: How about a final reflection essay and we'll call it even?

Me: It's on like Donkey Kong!

Then after I handed it in

Mr. Mack: Oh, wow, you actually did it. Cool, thanks

Me: It's on like Donkey Kong!

Mr. Mack: What is wrong with you?

An Exhaustively Researched Reflection

By Tyler Tsugita

            First off let me say I love weight lifting.  As I stare at my body in the mirror, I can’t help but marvel at the perfect specimen I see before me.  If we were basing how I felt about my personal fitness experience and my progress through the course on physical appearance, then I would say Personal Fitness has molded a masterpiece, Beethoven’s 6^th in human form, a flawless diamond in the shape of man!  I mean, if you were giving grades on who could make the most women swoon just by saying “Hey baby, why don’t you hop in my 99 Volvo Station Wagon, ya hear that baby? That’s all 2 cylinders, firing just for you” then I would get a grade so high, there is no letter or symbol in the human alphabet that would suffice.  However, being the unbiased writer I am, I will judge myself in three categories: strength, cardio, and flexibility.

            Every class I would lift faithfully-save that fateful day I only had my Gucci Loafers and you wouldn’t let me lift- and my strength increased a pleasing amount in most regions of my body.  I went from benching 10 reps at 150 to 10 at 160.  My triceps increased in strength along with my shoulders.  My cleans went up about 10 kilos and my back and biceps increased in strength.  I didn’t work my legs as much as I would have liked too, or should have.  By hey, I only had an hour.  To quote LFO(the incomparable Lyte Funky Ones) “New kids on the block has a bunch of hits/Chinese food makes me sick/And I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the summer/for the summer…”

            My cardio started out fairly strong from many a rugby practice.  As the season progressed, and rugby ended, my general ability to run any distance over 3 miles, was gone.  As the class has come to a close, I was on my way back up to the glorious top.  So in this category I am displeased, but not without hope.  If I continue to run during the hot summa’ months, I should move beyond where I was originally.  Then again I could not run and slip into a ‘fat’ coma. Either way, my summer is booked.

            My flexibility has never really interested me.  I can touch my toes and my leg can go far above my head if pushed by a fellow footballer.  I mean, I’m not all nimbly bimbilly like a cat.  I stretched sometimes during the class, when I wanted to break and talk to Juice while he leafs through the ‘Good Housekeeping’ magazine he snuck in every day on one of his frequent trips to the ground. I am indifferent about flexibility.  Mine or anyone elses.  My progress shows that.  Indifference, it’s the opiate of my generation.

            A goal that I have had a long time before personal fitness and will continue to grasp for long after this class is to be able to run through a wall.  I know what you’re saying! “You cannot physically run through a wall.  No one can!”  Well I don’t measure success in the gym by weights, or reps or calories.  I measure it by how close I am to breaking through that wall.  And while I have never tried to break through any wall, I assume I am coming closer to my goal.  The best part of having an abstract goal is just assuming I am getting close.  There is no way of knowing.  I like that, a little mystery, ya know? Variety may be the spice of life, but mystery is definitely the after sex cigarette of life

In closing, I did a pretty good job in class, not fantastic, but pretty good.  To quote Styx  “You’re wondering who I am(secret secret, I’ve got a secret!), Machine or Magician(secret secret, I’ve got a secret!), with parts made in Japan, I am the Modern Man!”.  And that is all I have to say about that.