Road Trip Journal: July 11th
Our Quest Begins.
I awoke at the crack of three and went to Nick’s house. I beeped twice and waited for him in the car. I began wonder a question that has plagued my mind for many sleepless nights. What exactly would I look like as a porcupine? I mean, I would like to think I would be one sexy porcupine mamma-jamma. In fact, I bet all the porcupine hunnies would wanna get quilly with me. My meditative state was interrupted by a door slamming shut and the accompanying melody of vulgarities.
“If you go on this trip, you have no home.”
“Fuck you, you fucking fuckbag of fuckery!”
Nick made his way slowly to my whip, turning around frequently to curse his mother more and give imaginative hand signals. I looked at Nick’s attire and sighed deeply.
“Do you always have to wear ‘Da Pimp Suit’ every time we go out?”
“Let me answer that question with another question.”
“…..well?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, my pimpness is too loud”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Silence, Bonertron. You speak when spoken to by El Presidente Pimpe.”
“I hate you.”
There we were, Luis and Clark, Cheech and Chong, two adventurers about to take a right of passage into college-dom. I knew exactly song would compliment the electricity in the air. I turned the volume to 20 and the bass to +6. The stereo blasted: IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADES AND GETTING’ CAUGHT IN THE RAIN/IF YOU LIKE MAKING LOVE AT MIDNIGHT/ ON THE DUNES OF THE CAPE….
“Aw shit, this my beat, negro.”
“Wait a minute, chief. Where the fuck are we going?”
“Tsug, you’d think this would be the first thing we would have worked out.”
“Yep.”
“And yet..”
“Yep.”
“So where we going?”
“Lets head north and try and swing by Liza’s summer camp and then get Tahj and Bwass from Vermont.”
“Bwass? Tahj? I thought they pershised in Gloucester.”
“Luckily, Steve was gorging so fast, he did not bother to chew and viola! Three to four hours later, Tahj and Bwass are back out into the realm of the living.”
“Ewwwwwwwww.”
“Lets roll.”
Below: Nick's vacation attire
